The 'Longevity Blind Spot': New Survey Reveals Why Caregiving Planning Is the Missing Piece in Aging Well

Caregiver Action Network

A new national survey has uncovered a stark "longevity blind spot" for Americans: While many obsess over retirement savings or gym routines, the critical need for planning- "who will care for them, and how-" ranks dead last in preparedness, scoring a dismal 42 out of 100. The 2025 Longevity Preparedness Index (LPI), a collaboration between John Hancock and MIT AgeLab, surveyed 1,300 U.S. adults and found that discussions about caregiving with family are rare, with most unaware of costs or options, despite projections that 82 million seniors will need support by 2050. For readers of the Aging-in-Place Planning and Elderlaw Blog, this isn't a surprise. It is, however, a clarion call for frank family discussions and proactive planning.  This article unpacks the LPI's findings, why caregiving planning lags, and actionable steps to close the blind spot, ensuring you age in place with confidence and care.

The Longevity Preparedness Index: A Wake-Up Call on Care's Low PriorityThe LPI, released in 2025 and reported by McKnight's Senior Living (October 2025), assesses readiness across eight domains: social connection, daily activities, care, home, community, relationships, health, and finance. Respondents averaged 60/100 overall, but caregiving scored lowest at 42, with women edging men (43 vs. 41). Caregivers themselves fared slightly better (46), the vast majority hadn't discussed needs with family. Older adults (65-74) scored 66 overall, but their care domain lagged at 48, highlighting a generational gap.
Caring for loved ones and needing care yourself are natural parts of life as we age. More than 70% of older adults will require continuing care at some point. One-third of today's 65-year-olds may never need long-term care support, but 20 percent will need it for longer than 5 years.
MIT AgeLab founder Joseph Coughlin, PhD, noted, "While health and wealth security are key, between those two bookends are the routines and assumptions that make up daily life... The LPI seeks to spark public awareness and action to prepare people for living what is likely to be a full one-third of their adult lives." Finance topped at 64, but caregiving's 42 reflects a blind spot: most people simply assume family or someone will step in without planning.
Less than half of survey respondents (43%) have taken any action to ensure they will have access to a long-term caregiver if needed. The numbers are even lower for specific key actions: only 24% have designated a legal power of attorney for health care and finances, and just 16% have planned with their family how they want to be cared for as they age.Why Caregiving Planning Lags: The Emotional and Practical Hurdles
The LPI exposes a cultural taboo: Talking about care feels like admitting defeat.  Yet 80% of seniors prefer aging in place. Families underestimate the toll of caregiving, the 2.5 times higher risk of institutionalization associated with caregiver burnout or fatigue, and the risk of guardianship in the absence of planning or the presence of family disputes. Closing the Caregiving Gap with Proactive, Home-Centered Planning
The LPI urges action, and elder law offers a roadmap:

• Start the Conversation: Use our "Simple Lifestyle Choices" article as a family meeting template; discuss wishes over dinner.

• Leverage Advance Directives and SDM Agreements: State your wishes in advance directives, and name supporters in an SDM Agreement  to collaborate on care.

• Financial Buffers: Discuss financial needs with a financial planner and elder law attorney. 

• Tech and Lifestyle Allies: Pair with "Frequent Use of Technology Slows Cognitive Decline."

These will get you started, but for more comprehensive tips, tricks, strategies, and tools, read all the Blog articles on aging-in-place planning.  

Conclusion: From Blind Spot to Bright Future
The LPI's caregiving low score is a mirror, reflecting what we must change. While this article has provided a thorough overview of the survey and strategies, it is by no means comprehensive. The landscape evolves rapidly. Readers must remain vigilant. By combining awareness with proactive planning, families can safeguard independence and thrive as they age in place. For support, consult a professional. Your security depends on proactive engagement.

Parenting a Parent: Rethinking the Role Reversal Myth to Empower Aging in Place

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The phrase “parenting your parents” is often used to describe caregiving for aging loved ones. It’s a catchy way to describe the shift where adult children take on responsibilities for their elderly parents, but it’s a misnomer that can mislead and overwhelm. A thoughtful post on caregiving challenges recently sparked this reflection, arguing that parenting and eldercare share little beyond surface similarities.  Children, for example,  grow into independence while seniors often lose it, and caregiving for parents is less a choice than rearing children. For readers of the Aging-in-Place Planning and Elderlaw Blog, this distinction is crucial. It’s not about reversing roles; it’s about supporting autonomy while navigating what may be a shrinking world of possibilities for one who may be becoming more vulnerable over time. As we’ve explored in "Rethinking Elder Abuse Strategies: How Prophylactic Planning Can Safeguard Autonomy and Aging in Place," the key is empowering seniors to age in place with dignity, not parenting them into submission. 

This article reframes the "parenting a parent" narrative, highlights its emotional and practical pitfalls, and offers solutions to ease the burden while preserving independence.

Why “Parenting a Parent” Misses the Mark
The idea of “parenting your parents” suggests a role reversal, where you’re now the boss, guiding a dependent like you might a child. The reality is starkly different. Rearing children is about opening doors to a wide, exciting world; teaching them to walk, talk, and explore, with family, community, schools, and pediatricians paving the way. Eldercare, by contrast, often involves softening the blow as that world narrows. A senior might lose the ability to drive, cook, or even recognize you, their body or mind failing over years, sometimes 5 to 20 years with dementia. Where children delight in new skills, elders may feel bitter as abilities slip away, leaving caregivers to pick up the pieces.
Unlike parenting, eldercare isn’t a planned journey with free resources like public schools. It’s a duty thrust upon you, often with emotional baggage from past family dynamics.  Mediocre parenting, financial missteps, or past disputes may now be burdening you. Kids outgrow diapers in months; a parent might need them for years. Medical visits multiply with chronic conditions, and day programs for seniors are rare compared to the availability of childcare. Children also come to the relationship with no ideas, expectations, or opinions regarding either role, while parents often have powerful ideas, expectations, and views regarding both roles. This isn’t a role reversal: it’s a unique challenge where you’re not raising a blank slate but supporting someone with a lifetime of experiences, now fading, who deserves respect, not control.The Consequences: Overwhelm, Resentment, and Lost Autonomy
Labeling it “parenting” can mislead caregivers into overstepping, treating a competent senior like a child, deciding for them rather than with them. This risks resentment, as elders chafe at lost independence, and caregiver burnout,  with caregivers averaging 31 or more hours weekly. Without clear guidance and support, assumptions about wishes (such as avoiding hospitals) can lead to neglect, liability, and possible culpability. For spouses, this myth amplifies guilt, leading them to think they’re “failing” as parents, when they’re really navigating uncharted territory.
Worse, without advance directives or supported decision-making (SDM), there’s no legal “cover.” Courts may impose guardianship, stripping control and forcing institutional care, as seen in guardianship abuse cases we’ve covered. The emotional toll is heavy: a child wrestling with a parent’s anger or a spouse facing prosecution for love gone wrong.Solutions: Supporting, Not Parenting, with Autonomy in MindInstead of “parenting,” think of it as partnering—a collaborative dance to keep your loved one at home, safe, and in charge. Here are practical, empowering strategies:

• Embrace Supported Decision-Making (SDM):  Respect your parent as the decision-maker, with you (and others) as a guide and support. Review and respect  SDM Agreements, if they exist.  If they don't, and your parent is still able, ask them to consider adopting them. These streamline decision-making and can avoid family conflict.  Discuss daily needs (e.g., meal planning) or big choices (e.g., home mods). Formalize this in an SDM agreement, naming supporters to assist, not dictate, reducing everyone's burden while honoring their voice.

• Embrace Home as Medicine: Aside from family, home is medicine, particularly for those with cognitive impairment or decline.  Embrace the positive benefits of being home, and weave caregiving into a routine that supports, rather than frustrates, providing ease and comfort. Even for persons who have no cognitive decline, home health care benefits often outweigh alternatives, so embrace and exploit them as long as possible.

• Embrace  Advance Directives:  Advance directives are like guardrails that keep you and others oriented with goals and guidelines.  These may include wishes regarding home health care, institutionalization, and guardianship.  Specific directives can protect caregivers from liability and culpability by documenting that they are following instructions and directives, rather than substituting their wishes and concerns for those of a now vulnerable person. For example, an instruction that directs that "My caregiver shall summon help per my wishes documented here, without liability or culpability," might help when others question your decision-making.  These also protect another's autonomy.

• Leverage Technology for Support: Use smart home tools (e.g., Amazon Echo for reminders, Apple Watch for fall detection) to monitor health passively, cutting your burden and oversight hours. Using technology can support cognitive health and prevent decline, and can make the home a more suitable place for care. 

• Fortify Financial Assets and Property: Fraud finds the vulnerable, and caregivers are often so overwhelmed with caregiving and personal security that they forget about financial security.  Be proactive, and protect assets and property.  See our article, Rethinking Elder Abuse Strategies: How Prophylactic Planning Can Safeguard Autonomy and Aging in Place; an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure. 

• Build a Care Team: 
  Enlist siblings, friends, or paid aides. It takes a family, so rely on that family, whether it is biological, community-based, or constructed. Use a Private Care Agreement if there is a need or desire to pay family for care. Share and coordinate responsibilities and duties, e.g., one handles meds, another drives, easing the burden and building resilience, through training, if necessary. Consider dividing the financial and medical decision-making between two persons, so that each can focus on just one role. Screen caregivers with our guide to ensure trust.  

• Plan for Emotional Baggage:  
  Acknowledge past tensions in family meetings. Use regular zoom meetings or telephone conferences to keep suspicion and mistrust to a minimum.  Use technology for immediate and broad communication.  In complex cases, consider mediation or counseling to set boundaries, ensuring care isn’t tainted by old grudges or new wounds.

• Plan for and Navigate Family Disputes: In the best families, disputes arise.  For tips, tricks, tools, and strategies, check out our recent article, Navigating Family Disagreements in Caring for Others: Tips for Harmony and Legal Safeguards.  Make sure to employ proactive strategies to avoid disputes before they arise.

• Explore Community Resources: Tap local senior centers or faith-based groups for free programs, whether they are isolation-reducing day programs or events, caregiver support and resilience training, or financial assistance such as tax preparation. Your community might offer the secret sauce necessary to resolve a challenge, problem, or concern.  

For spouses, add joint directives naming each other as primary SDM supporters, with backups if one falters, avoiding the Burris trap.Conclusion: A Partnership, Not a Parenthood
“Parenting a parent” oversimplifies a complex journey. It’s about partnering to soften life’s end, not replicating childhood’s beginning. By reframing your role and arming yourself with legal and tech tools, you can support your loved one’s independence while protecting your own well-being. While this article has provided a thorough examination of the "parenting a parent" myth and its solutions, it is by no means comprehensive. The landscape of caregiving evolves rapidly, influenced by personal dynamics and resource availability. Readers must remain vigilant, consulting sources such as the Area Agency of Aging, local elder law attorneys, and our blog’s resources, and evaluating their situations to identify risks. By combining awareness with proactive planning, seniors and families can safeguard autonomy and thrive as they age in place. For ongoing support, consult a professional and stay informed.  Your security depends on proactive engagement.